His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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