apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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