Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
