she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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