Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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