I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize