yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
