I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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