Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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