According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
