we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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