There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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