It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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