that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
