is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
