May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
