just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she looked like the before picture.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
