How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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