my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
