Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
