The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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