i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
