Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
