I'm drive I can fine osifer
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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