just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
