bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
