I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
