I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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