God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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