Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize