spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
