You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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