you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
