i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
