I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
