this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
