Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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