But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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