if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
