New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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