I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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