i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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