Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
