I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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