I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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