Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
