I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
