woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
