dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
