I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
