my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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