Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your penis caused this!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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