The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
