this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
