Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
