somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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