But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
