Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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