so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He has the fingertips of a God
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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