yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
