I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
