dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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